Childhood

I was brought up in a wee village called Newmills.  As a child I have no recollection of ever hearing the gospel but know I must have as I was sent to the Brethren Sunday School. The church which we occasionally attended didn’t preach the gospel, and God to me at a young age was just a name and nothing more. We were never taught in the home to honour God or to lay aside sin or the seriousness of sin. As I got a little older I remember in church repeating a creed with the congregation and thinking that as I was speaking it, that was me getting on good terms with God. I remember my father standing tall like a soldier with his hands by his side as he would quote this creed. I mind thinking “boy this must be important!!”

School

I can say that I have not many happy memories of Primary School, I can just remember that I hating going!  I also remember lots of slaps with the ruler and teachers losing the rag with me. I would give a silly answer to a question, partly because I wasn’t listening and then I would just say the first thing that came into my head, not a good idea!!! But one thing I liked about school was the friendships that I had and one in particular was a friend called Lee Turkington. We were best friends and we used to do everything together, but we were to go our separate ways when he passed the 11+ and I failed mine, so off he went to the Royal School and off I went to the High School. I will mention Lee again later.

God’s providence

At the age of 13 I can look back and see the hand of God in my life. It was then that my mother and father separated, and it was not the nicest or easiest of break ups. I remember feeling so lost in it all, but God brought me through it. One thing God used in my life at secondary school was friendships, and the Lord led me to a fella called Stephen Walker and he and I became the best of friends. There were other friends too, but Stephen and myself would have done everything together, and were always at each others houses on a regular basis. So one day when I was at  Stephen’s house his mum Ann asked us to go to a young peoples meeting called the “Beacon” at Donaghey Congregational Church,  and as I didn’t know what a young peoples meeting  was I didn’t mind going! So off we went and there we sang choruses and hymns and someone would give their testimony and someone would preach, and the amazing thing was that I loved going, and went regularly! Here, a young teenager at around 14 who didn’t know anything about God or care for God, who had a bad temper and a filthy tongue, and yet I was drawn to this place. To look back now its so clear how God was drawing me and softening me.

Death

As I was attending the Beacon and hearing about Jesus Christ, how he died for me, how he loved me and that I was a sinner before God, the Lord was working in my life. But then something very dramatic happened in our family. One day as I was going to school, my sister caught up with me and said,” Robin, you will never guess who has died”. I said “what!!!, who’s dead”? “Raymond was killed last night at 11 o’clock”. Raymond was my cousin, and he was killed in a motorcycle accident. I looked up to Raymond as he had great skill on a motorcycle and I was brought up with motorcycles, and loved them too. Death had never visited our family before so this was such an unreal experience. I remember us all heading off to I think it was Craigavon hospital and we all walked into this big empty room and there with the coffin in the middle lay my cousin Raymond. At 19 years of age and lying in a coffin it just seemed wrong, but it was true, and  I was starring right at it. I remember my legs feeling like jelly and just having a feeling of pity and unbelief, but most of all eternity was ringing in my ears!!! Boy it became real to me that day!

Salvation

Through all these things God was dealing with me and leading me to himself and I knew I just needed to get right with God.
I can’t remember the exact time or date that I came to know the Lord Jesus, but the experience was so very real. I had been under conviction of sin and I just remember wanting to be right with God and have my sins forgiven. One day in my room I read psalm 71 which reads, “ in Thee, oh Lord, do I put my trust: let me never be put to confusion, deliver me in thy righteousness and cause me to escape: incline thine ear unto me and save me”.
I got on my knees before God and asked the Lord Jesus into my heart and to forgive me for my sin and said thank you for dying for me on Calvary. At that moment a work of grace started in my life! Boy there was joy unspeakable and full of glory!! How I loved him, Jesus became real to me! I remember looking around and I could see Christ in the grass and in the trees and in everything. There is a hymn penned which writes: “heaven above is softer blue, earth around is sweeter green, something lives in every hue, Christless eyes have never seen; birds with gladder songs o’er flow, flowers with deeper beauties shine, since I know, as now I know, I am his, and he is mine”.  It amazed me that such a hymn had been written, for if I had never heard of it I could have written it myself, such was my experience.

Old things passing away, all things become new

After that day when Christ came in, things changed. I had the most rotten, filthy tongue that rhymed off swear words in every sentence. The day I got converted I can say honestly that the swearing left me, I never habitually swore again. I never liked Christian lyrics or music of that kind, I would have said I hated it, but boy didn’t I start to love it!! But most of all, I loved his word, the Bible. It became real to me, before it was a book that ministers and holy people read and the thought of reading it would have depressed me! But it became a chest of hidden treasure to me, and still is! But salvation is so real because Christ is real.  Boy, the folly of those who try to get to heaven by themselves on their own merit, and good works! How sad to see how the devil sells them so short of what is true and real, resulting in them going to a lost hell for all eternity!!

Learning to abide

No matter how far we are along the Christian road, there must be a walking with God. I would love to say that I always have, but it hurts me and I am ashamed to say I haven’t. How I have failed my Lord, when He has been ever faithful to me. When you get converted you think you could never sin again, but sooner or later you will find that the old man is still there and there is a battle with sin, between the old nature and the new. What I have found in the Christian walk, its all about abiding in Him, spending time with the Lord in prayer and in his word, and being honest with God about everything, no matter how small or silly it may be. And getting into the word and regurgitating it over and over again and consciously applying it to my life. I have learned of recent and by experiences of the past that it is all by grace!! And how I rely on the Lord for everything!!!! And I mean everything!!! “Who is this that cometh up from the wilderness, leaning upon her beloved?”
These days I have been reading books on great men of God and their prayer lives, E.M Bounds, John Hyde (praying Hyde), and George Muler. These men knew God and knew great answers to prayer, and to read their stories thrills my heart and gets me excited because He is the same God today.

Conclusion

If you are not saved, turn from your sin and give your life to the Lord Jesus, He will abundantly pardon. He will make your life a life of worth and meaning. I mentioned Lee at the start of my testimony. 5 years after Lee and I went to our different schools I attended Lee’s funeral at the age of 15. Time is short and life is uncertain. If you’re a Christian, let us all seek to go on with God and though we fall, let us get up and go on again, “forgetting those things which are behind” Phil 3v13, 14. We need to ask God to help us spend sufficient time alone with him, and that we may know how to abide. I am still learning, but its all by grace. With this I finish. I was reading this one day and it just spoke to me, I hope it will speak to you too! Its so simple yet so dramatic and challenging to our lives as believers, and it was Robert Murray McShane who said it. Here are his words:

“What we are on our knees before God, that we are, and nothing more”.